" Romantic Architecture - The Foundation "

Trust is the core issue in a relationship.
And it can be regarded in three respects:

The trust you have in yourself;
How much do you honestly love your partner?
How bad do you want this relationship to succeed?
How far are you ready to go to make it work?

The trust you have in your partner;
How much do you believe him/her to feel the same way about you?
How bad do you think he/she wants this relationship?
How far do you reckon he/she is willing to go?

And the trust you have in the relationship itself;
How long do you think it’s going to survive?
How intimate do you believe it can get?
How happy do you deem it will make you?

Trust is the base.
Everything else is built up upon it.

As the size of a building dictates the dimensions of its foundation, so can we estimate the level of trust needed for any certain depth of a relation.
And without that, it’s a matter of time before any relation crumbles to ruins.
And even if it lasts, it won’t be anything worthwhile.

" Romantic Architecture - The Façade "

Now that you are done with your building, you may begin to work on its outward show.

What color do you prefer your walls?
Or maybe you like them wallpapered?
Would you rather have a wooden floor or a marble one?
Do you want the roof to be tile or shingle?

Though it comes last, the importance of the façade is no less than the rest.
Because it’s what you see most of any building.
It’s the source of both your first impression and the persistent feeling you get from the whole thing.

Fun is the façade of every relationship.

How much do you enjoy being with your partner?
Would you rather spend your leisure time with your partner or with any other of your friends, relatives or acquaintances?
Do you like to do everything with your partner? (simple things like: going to a party or for a walk, going shopping or to the movies, taking a trip or simply staying home and watching TV…)
Or you prefer others for some certain activities?

It does matter how fun your relation is with your partner.
Fun is the joy of your life.
And of the life you and your partner share together.

" Romantic Architecture - The Body "

After you have put down your foundations, you may start with the real thing.

Where do you want your walls and where should the windows go?
This comes from the plan you have in mind for your building.
What style do you want it in?
How many rooms do you want and where? And how big?
Will there be a terrace, porch or any balconies?

These details, in turn, depend on the purpose you have assumed for your building.
Do you want it for residence, business, entertainment…?

Affinity is the body of any relationship.

The framework of any relation is built upon the personal outlines which each of the partners have for their own lives.
You should know for yourself what you want from life in the first place.
That dictates the long term plans; which in turn give you an idea about the steps you have to take in every stage of life.

Now, if you don’t know about your own values, ideals, interests, dislikes, passions, repulsions… (things that in short, constitute the meaning of life for you); then one might say that you have no idea about the kind of life you want to live.
In that case, how can you possibly choose a suitable life partner?

And if you do know about these, you should look for identical, similar or at least compatible characteristics in your partner.
The more affinity there is in the part of individuals, the more affined will their bond turn out to be.
In other words, the better a match you are, the more is your chance for a comfortable, easy and successful relationship.

" Romantic Architecture "

When you want to think about a house, what is the first thing that comes to your mind?
How it looks.
The rooms, the hall, the backyard, the view…

But when you want to build it, what is the first thing you start with?
The foundations.
And then you go after the walls, brick by brick.
And what comes last, is the veneer. The face.

Every relationship is somewhat similar to buildings.

It has:
A foundation: TRUST.
A body: AFFINITY.
And a façade: FUN.

" Points to Ponder "

* We hate people for the unpleasant characteristics we share with them.
Next time you hate someone, look for the reason within yourself...
It's all in your head!


* Never do something you can't afford to take the responsibility for.


* If you don't know what a sign means, then it is not your sign.
Maybe not yet!


* He who hastens towards a goal, isn't yet sure about his choice.

" As Far As I Know... "

I have to come to realize how immensely tiny I am compared to the infinitely huge universe I dwell in.
And also that there could surely be a much greater world than whatever my imagination (let alone my senses) can ever conceive.
And hence The Question:
"What can I ever possibly know for sure?"
And The Answer:
"Just that I am here now."
And nothing more.

All the rest of my knowledge is just as far as I know, up to now.

“ Real Images vs. Imaginary Realities “

What we consider to be realities about the world, people, events... are nothing but images we perceive.
Like a camera that can never capture any real object in the whole, but just an image.
The only thing you can work on is to try to get the clearest image possible.

We live by and through those images.
Our feelings, emotions, affections and even thoughts and behavior are shaped up by those images.
And what's more, one of the most practical ways to know oneself is to study the impressions you make on different types of people.
It's like checking your reflection in a mirror.
I don't think you can say which mirror is giving you the most precise image, because however self-conscious you may be, there are a million things you can't know about yourself by yourself.

Once you begin to live in the world, you have exposed yourself to be pictured by other souls.
You may be able to decide what kind of ways to relate to the world, but you can't really decide what images others get and what interpretations they make out of it.

And who could decide which one is the true real image?
Because the complex of Mind/Image/Subject (or in other words: Me/ Image/World) which allows us to understand the world the way we do, although similar in some aspects, is also somewhat unique from person to person, or even for one person in different phases of his/her life.

As long an image works for you,
as long as it maintains the standards you've set for your life to function according to,
as long as it keeps you happy, peaceful, hopeful and satisfied...
you can consider it valid.

And as mentioned before, these standards, and therefore images may vary a great deal from person to person.

So,
To understand a person, best thing you can do is to try to visualize his/her images.
And, as a start, you can get that through what that someone writes and says.
Of course, no one can deny the value of in person/in flesh experience to get to know someone.
But the measure of knowledge you need to get a relation going is highly dependent on whatever you want to do with it.
All aspects of a person are not needed in every relationship.
As emotions, feelings, affection and love can be shared at different levels, sometimes even a few aspects would be enough, considering what level of relationship you pursue.
When a relation is based on correspondence, the range and type of personal information you need is different from when you are considering a proposal of marriage, isn't it?!!

Life is nothing but the complex of Me/Image/World.
I guess that explains why the way we react to the world around us, is first and foremost influenced by our attitude towards it; attitude being the way you pick your images.


When you see a rose what do you say?

1. Oh my! This thing has got thorns!
2. Oh my! This thorny stick has got a beautiful sweet-smelling flower with it!

Well? Which one is your choice?
That's your life!

“ Dear Friend, VIII ( The Evil Car ?! ) “

Dear Friend,
You asked me:
“Why do you believe in God?
Isn't He the all beneficent, all merciful almighty?
So, why doesn't he put an end to all this evil going on in the world? "

Well,
Here goes my answer:

I don't believe in a concept of God that intervenes in our worldly businesses.
I believe in our freedom of choice.
And hence, whatever injustice and ugliness you see –or whatever the reality is, regardless of judgment- is the direct result of this human freedom.

Also I believe that although you are free, you can't get away from the consequences of whatever you do.
There is not a personal God that will award/punish you for your actions.
It's the way this world works.
It reacts to you according to your being benevolent/malevolent, honest/dishonest, etc regardless of whatever you do.

Here is an example to clarify my point a little:
A car manufacturer (God) has given you the best car: your self.
And a road maker (also God!) has made you the best road: the world. (This is the concept of divine benevolence, according to me!)

And all the religions can do for you is to teach you how to drive your car. And inform you about the rules of the road.

But it can give you neither the map nor the destination.
You have got to choose your own destination and find your own way around.

Now, can the car manufacturer or the road makers be blamed for the reckless drivers and tragic accidents? (Where you might even hurt some other innocent driver who is being most careful.)
Who do you hold responsible for whatever happens when you are at the wheel? (Considering that the car + the road is ok!)

The only difference is that here you don't receive any speeding tickets from The Divine Police!
You drive carelessly, you have accidents.

This is the way it is.

" Who Am I ? "

Each and every human being has a concept of the self he/she is related to. And he lives for/by/with that concept.
It's all in our consciousness.
Even the part that questions the existence of a personal, individual core at all.

Now, of all these different elements forming our identity, which one is our real self?

The answer is: all and none.

Consider a tree.
It has: root, trunk, branches, twigs, leaves, blossoms, fruits…
So which one is the tree?
Is tree anything but each and every one of these?
But, could you point out each one and call it The Tree?

Maybe it's not the best example.
You can say that a tree is still a tree without its leaves or blossoms or fruits!
I know. It's just an example. You can think of better ones yourself!!

But what I am trying to say is that our self is constituted of different layers. Influenced by our genetics, environment, education…
And we are common in almost all of these factors in many aspects.

But what makes each individual unique is the exclusive combination of them all in each certain individual.
A common denominator of all the numbers adding up to our total self.
And this grand total is what makes us free from the determination of each of these constituents.


To realize all the different identities residing in our mind we need a little meditation.
When we try to put a little distance between ourselves and the multi-personal scene of babble inside us, we come to realize an original self that seems to be ever-observing all this commotion in process.

And this fundamental basis, though buried in the depth of our unconscious, is common in all humans. (However different and unique each one is in his/her details.)
In fact, it's what makes us defined as human beings in the first place.
And reaching towards that core could be the key to a universal understanding of good and bad.

" Path of Wisdom "

When you have good reasons for an idea, you accept it.
When you have good reasons against an idea you reject it.
And if the reasons for and against an idea have an equal share of validity?

You might choose to suspend deciding about it and take a neutral stand.
But what if this idea is not neutral in vivo?
What if it plays a significant role in your life?

In social affairs, I believe, the best solution to resort to democracy.
But how can each individual come to his/her own decision?

Here is the very moment that faith comes on stage.
To choose to believe or disbelieve in a statement, beyond questioning. In a non-logical way. (Non-logical is different from illogical.)

You believe or disbelieve, because it seems more suitable to you either way round.
Or because someone who seems to enjoy what you are looking for, believes in it.

Surely there is only one true answer to any question in this world.
And we have to do our best to get to it.
And as far as we can figure out things by our own analysis, I am all for logic.

But as you said, there are some certain questions the answer of which we cannot possibly know.
And that's why I believe no religion can claim the whole truth.

Religions help you in places where logic has no say so.
So, it's not the question of outside reality.
It's the matter of inside faith.

The answer is true because you want it to be true.
That's why I believe faith cannot be questioned.
Because it's either this or that.
And you have no way through logic to get to it.
You pick the answer that suits you best.

When I look at different religions, I see that they have had almost identical functions for their true followers: Bringing them peace, happiness and hope. Thus, a high level of self-satisfaction.
And so I can't but believe that whatever advantage they might have, lies in their common points, not contradictions.
Because the differences are due to the contingent factors of their origin and development. Not related to their basis.

So I believe in the credos that, in the first place, can't be answered by logic. And in the second place does not contradict the basic credos of another religion.

The variance in details is not so much important.
It's more a matter of taste!

I never interpret religious texts literally.َAnd
I believe there are buried treasures you should strive to extract.
You've got to be able to read between the lines.
And learn the methods not the verdicts.

Now, what does my faith consist of?
Three basic beliefs I guess. (Which is somehow common in all religions that I know of.)
1. This world is charged with the grandeur of a supreme, almighty, all wise, all benevolent being. Some call it God.
2. Whatever good or bad we do, returns to us. One way or another.
3. This life is not all there is. We don't end by death.


Of course, time definitely changes our views and ideas and… everything.
That's a good feature in a human being:
The ability to learn from one's past experiences.

You have to check and recheck your ideas constantly.
To see whether you can find any reasons for or against them.
With no dogmatism, which in many cases can be easily mistaken for faith.
Dogmatism is to believe in an idea and to believe it can never be proved otherwise.
And faith is to believe in an idea because it hasn't yet been proved wrong.

The key point is to never retire from hunting for truth.
And never to feel that you have the whole truth.
All you can have is a share, an image of the real thing. Like the thousand pictures reflected in each piece of a shattered mirror.
And all you can do is to never give up your pursuit.
And also never to stick to what you already got.
Always be ready to let go of the old ideas/habits/lifestyles… for the better wiser ones. And be willing to pay whatever price it takes.

This way you can guarantee that you are following the Path of Wisdom in your life.

" Vital Death "

If you find out that you are about to die in one hour, what do you do?
Maybe you panic so hard you just lay down and wait!

What if it's a day?
You'll try to see all your dearest for one last time.

A week?
Friends, acquaintances...

A month?
Unfinished projects...

A year?
Places you haven't been to. Books you haven't read...

5 years?
Maybe a little more extensive program!

25?
Well... What's the rush? Take it easy!

50?
Well, that means all of us! Let's live it out!!

See?
When you feel death breathing down the back of your neck, you will try to do all the things you always wanted to do, and never found the time for.
The most important things of your life that you had overlooked over and over again. And sacrificed them for the things less important.
But the further you consider yourself from death, the less you feel obliged to pursue your dreams.
You postpone it to a promised tomorrow that never arrives. Because you think to yourself, "Hey! I got the time of the world. Let's take it easy. Haste makes waste!!"
And then you take it too easy. So easy that you don't see the moments rushing away.

We don't die on a specific date and time.
Every night we die from that day and every morning we are born to a new day.
What happens is that one of these days, we die without being born again!!

So' we'd better live every moment as though it is our last.
Getting the best of it.
And be with our dear ones like it's the last time we see them.
Being the best of us.

" Nothing, Something, Everything… "

When I was born (and for some time afterwards) I knew almost nothing. (At least that’s what they tell me!)
Nothing about nothing.
I even didn’t know that I knew nothing.

Then one day I asked myself, “who is this lady who rushes to me whenever I cry?”. You know, it was kind of nice having her around, considering all she did form me, and the gentle touch and everything. But you can’t trust just anyone these days, can you? I mean, look at the newspapers. There are creepy things going on in abundance everywhere. You might say, “Come on man! She was your mother!”. Maybe you are right, but then again; you never know. So you understand why I had to ID her, don’t you?

Any way, to cut the long story short;
My first question had occurred to me:
“Who is this lady? Is she OK?”
Answer: “She is OK. She is your mother.”

Then another day I wondered how I could keep her with me without having to cry all the time.
You see, my voice went hoarse from crying all the time. And sometimes you are in too good a mood to be crying. So why do you have to spoil the high spirits of the moment on, say, a bottle of lukewarm milk. Those bigger ones seemed to be getting along quite well without making half the noise. So there had to be some other way. Easier, quieter, less energy-taking and to the best interests of all. What would that be?

And so;
I had come across my first problem:
“ How can I manage to get things done without taking it to the soprano?”
Solution: “Learn to talk.”

Then there came another question.
And another problem.
And another.
And another.

I had questions and I looked for proper answers.
I had problems and I sought suitable solutions.

So, I started to learn.
And I learned fast.
So fast that soon (or soon enough) I came to a point where I thought I knew everything.
Everything about everything.
I had an answer for every possible question.
I had a solution for every probable problem.

So what with this precious load of knowledge and wisdom?
I had to do something about it.
I had to do something about me.

It was show time. (Or more exactly show-off time.)
It was the time to prove myself higher and better than anyone else.
I saw no reason to listen to what others had to say, for I thought I knew better.
And when I did listen, it was only to answer back. To prove the other party wrong. To win the debate.
I (thought I) was at the top.

But the days of happiness (and ignorance?) didn’t last long.
When I put my ideas to work;
Sometimes my answers were proved wrong, while other guys had the right answer.
And my solutions failed to work, while other solutions worked flawlessly.

It was then that I thought to myself that maybe, just maybe everything wasn’t as easy and all-clear as I thought it to be.
If I was wrong about something once, it could mean that I could be wrong again.

So, once again I started to listen.
This time not to argue. But to learn.

And here I am now.
At the beginning of an all new path.
Aware that I only know something about something.

Very few things are certain now.
And one of the most absolute certainties (besides death and taxes) is The Rule of UNCERTAINTY itself.

" How's Life? "

How are you doing?
How is it going?
How are things?
How's everything?
How's life?

How do you answer these questions?

Terrible?
Sh-- happens?
Life sucks?

Or maybe:
Not bad?
So so?
Life's ... OK?

Or:
Excellent?
Never better?
Life's grand?

Now,
Which one is your choice?
And why?

How do you decide whether you are having hell of a time or a time in hell?
What are the meters according to which you measure the quality of your life?

Money?
Job?
Family?
Knowledge?
Power?
Fame?
Popularity?
Or... what?

You could have any ( or all ) of these and still have a miserable life.
Take a careful look at the people around you and you'll see what I mean.

So, what is it then?
What is it all about?

I'd say it's all about:
Happiness,
Peace,
& Hope


They are the goals we all pursue ( consciously or unconsciously ) through our daily routines.
But sometimes ( or sadly, most of the times ) we forget all about them.
And this is the cause to all the stress, anxiety, depression, misery and dissatisfaction we suffer everyday.

So, next time you want to make a choice, ( about anything ) see whether it gives you any of these in return.

Every choice has its price.
See if it's really worth it.

" Santa Claus "

Have you written your letter to Santa?
What have you asked for?
Health? Success in your exams? Promotion at your job? A peaceful life with no stress...?
Of course, these are really important things.
But they are not anything you can receive in your red stocking.
They are things you can ask from Santa Maria!
What do you want from Santa Claus?

I believe Santa is a chance for all of us, to be a child again.
To believe in miracles:
That a white long-bearded old man dressed in red, with his reindeer-drawn sledge will fly over our rooftops, climb down our chimneys, and secretly stuff our hopeful stockings with the goodies we have wished for so innocently!

And that's the beauty of it all, isn't it?

Merry Christmas!

" Something Happened... "

Something happened to me a few days ago.
I lost my Credit Card AND my Physicain ID Card in the railway station, while on my way back home.
In a land far far away!

At first I panicked.
Then I felt anxious, angry and maybe a little sad.

I felt I had lost everything.
All my money was in that credit.
And my only ID was that Card.
I wondered how on earth I could do without them.
They were all I had.
I was steps away from a full length tragedy.

But then ...
Surprise!
No tragedy came.

Nothing happened.
I didn't die.
I didn't lose a family member or a near friend.
I could still breathe, see, hear, talk, read, write ...
No.
Nothing happened.

And then I noticed something funny:
All of that fuss was just about two worthless piesces of plastic which you could always get again.

And I learnt this great lesson:
Most things you strain all your life to get and keep so dearly,
Are not really that much important.

When nothing happens when you lose them,
It means that they weren't so much big a deal from the beginning.

" You Choose the Question, I Choose the Answer! "

1. What is the reason behind all you do?
2. What gives meaning to your life?
3. How would you summarize your life?
4. What is the definition of life to you?
5. What's your purpose in life?
6. What do you live for?
7. What is the gold standard acoording which you choose through your options?

................................................
................................................
................................................

Whichever question you choose; my answer is only three words:


" Truth, Love, Justice "


How many words is your answer?

" The Reason "

On the way of your life don't miss the reason behind all you do.

Don't forget about the small joys that spice up your insipid days.
Don't ignore the humble flickers that lighten up your dark nights.
Don't overlook the petty things that add color to your black-and-white moments.

Otherwise you'll end up wondering to yourself:
" Is this what I really wanted?
Is this really what I started out for? "

And you will look around at all the trash-treasures you have stashed away all your life and you will ask yourself:
" Why did I earn all this?
To spend it on what? "

So, every now and then, - in the middle of all the daily hustle,- just stop there for a moment, relax and ask yourself:
" Hey! What was it all about? "

" Life Rocks! "

How many times have you heard someone say: "Life sucks!" ?
The less you have, the luckier you are.
And if that someone happens to be you yourself, I have to say I do feel sorry for you.
Not because you have a rotten life.
But because people like you are the source to all negative energy we have around.

What's the big deal?
You have screwed up?
You are all lost?
You are a failure?
You are a loser?
Come on man!
Get a grip!

Given all conditions, you have only two choices:
1- Cry over spilt milk.
And ruin the moment you are in.
2- Or move on with your life.
And try to get the best of whatever you have now.

That's all you have to do to improve any situation, however tragic.
And when you did, be kind enough to let others know about your delightful achievement.
If people learned to share their happiness as much as they share their miseries we would have a much more colorful world.

So, what are you waiting for?
You need some help with the opening?
I'd try "Life Rocks!" if I were you!

" Three Word Tips II ( A Sequel! ) "

Dear Colleagues,
Remember me from last time?
It’s me again!
The Three Word Tips guy letting you on the handiest secrets of medical practice ever!
Here I come with a second helping to serve.

But before everything let me express my most heartfelt gratitude for the dear friends who kindly favored me with their precious comments.
Especially Dr DJ, Arman Arghami, Nasim Choobdari, Muhammad Munir, Sadia Farooqi, Nour-ul-ain Agha, Flavia Pereira, Majid Zakir and many others.

Well, here is today’s bunch. I hope you find it colorful enough!

Consider Patient’s Compliance.
Don’t Hate Hysterics.
Malingering? Maybe Not!
Overprize Pediatric Fever.
Don’t Worship Paraclinic.
Labs Make Mistakes.
Haste Makes Waste.
Read. Then Sign.
Consult Your Manual.
In Doubt, Refer.


…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
And…

So, why don’t you go on and complete the list?
And if you want to comment, be my guest.
Wishing you all the best,
Ali

" Dear Shandiz "

Dear Shandiz,
How's everything?
Thanks a bunch for your nice comments.
I am very grateful and do appreciate them all.

You raised a few points.
Here is the way I see them:

Being Alone vs. Being Lonely
What is the difference between being alone and being lonely?
When you are alone, well, you are alone! Just that!!
But when you are lonely, you feel sad (or mad!) because of that.
As if you feel that you deserve otherwise.
And as if it's such a terrible tragedy.

Well, maybe it's not so.
That's the way it is meant to be:
We are together. But not forever!
I didn't suggest “Be Alone.", as if it were up to you.
I said " You are alone, whether you like it or not."
I'm not telling you to go hide somewhere. Withdraw or seclude yourself.
I said it's a destiny that's bound to happen.
When you accept this fact, you can enjoy being with others without being afraid of losing them one day.
And how could that be bad?

And one more thing, don't ever expect anyone, anyone indeed, to live for you.
You know, in this great great world, there is only one heart that beats only for you: Your own heart!
And finally, the more you know yourself, the more you like yourself and the more you are satisfied with yourself, the more you'll enjoy being with yourself = being alone.

Now, was it all that bad?!


Simplification
Under “A Matter of choice” and “Right or wrong?” you mentioned that I had simplified the matters.
I don't know whether you considered it a fine quality or not.

Anyway, when you want to make decisions in life you need clear, straight and to-the-point guidelines.
However complicated are the thoughts leading you to the result, you need them all simple at the end.
It has to have a kind of yes-or-no answer to your practical questions.
So that you can apply it to your everyday life.

And that's what I have tried to do for myself.

Question Yourself
In “Be Yourself” You asked who is your real you?
No-one can tell you.
You've got to discover that yourself.
By questioning your most common feelings, emotions, worries, behaviors, reactions, etc.
Asking why about everything you are and everything you do.
Not considering anything as a rule or the way it has to be.

That's the key to a better understanding of oneself.

Understanding Choices
As for “What really matters... ", well, I agree with you.
In fact that's somehow what I have been trying to say myself: “We are here to understand the choices we have already made. (Or have been made for us.)" And “No one can see beyond a choice he doesn't understand.”
It's all about understanding your choices.

But my point is that there is really no difference between the different choices.
The difference lies in your attitude towards your choices.
How you realize them. The way you follow them.
And I believe that's the only way to understand your choices.

Success
In “Humanity” you asked why success in childhood.
It's somehow personal.
For anyone it could be anything.
When I was a kid and went to school, for the first time I learned the concept of competition. Winning vs. Losing. And soon it became everything that mattered to me.
That was when I was a kid.
But then I grew up. And...

Live and Let Live
To wrap it all up, here’s one last point:
We – at least most of us – tend to believe we are doing the right thing and living the right way.
Well; so far, so good! That’s no problem.
The problem is that we – again at least most of us – tend to believe we are the only ones doing the right thing and living the right way.
Everyone driving slower than us is an idiot and everyone going faster is a lunatic!
Now, that’s a major problem!

Let’s live and let live, shall we?



Well, that's it for now I guess.

Thanks again for your precious time and kind attention.
I'll be so happy to hear about your ideas, comments, suggestions, criticisms ... and other affairs! All kinds!!
Take care,
Ali